The Last Time

In a few months my grandparents will be moving out of the house that they have lived in for over 40 years. Which means today will be the last Christmas Eve we spend there. I have spent all my Christmas Eves there. From my very first one where I was 2 months old and Patty was 3 months and they dressed us up in pretty red dresses. To this year where Patty and I will dress up our kids in snazzy outfits. And all the ones in between.

It is so bittersweet. Saying goodbye to a family tradition. Some of our Christmas traditions have changed. We no longer have a talent show or draw names for a gift exchange. But we do still have a white elephant gift exchange, Santa still stops by and brings all the little kids a gift, we still eat tamales. But the house has always been the same. I know exactly where the mistletoe will be hung and where the tree will be standing and where my Nana's nativity scene will be displayed.

I understand that in life things change. And I know that this move is the best for my Nana and Tata but knowing that Christmas Eve will never really be the same is sad. And to be honest it scares me. My family has always been very close knit, and I don't know what the glue is that keeps us that way. I don't know what change might change all that. What "thing" might makes things different.

One thing I know is that even though that house may have been the backdrop to our childhoods. The front and back yard may have been the scenery for countless memories where my cousins became my best friends. The bedroom where I hung my NKOTB posters an plugged in my purple cassette player. The brownish orange beads, the china cabinet, the plate on the wall with the Presidents on it. The rack of mugs. The red velvet fans in the hallway. It all was just a stage and the love, laughter and memories will not be boxes up when my grandparents things are moved. For a while I was so sad because I kept thinking that the house held all our memories. But as I drive down to spend Christmas Eve there I know that 4 walls could never be big enough or strong enough to hold all that live and all those memories.