From somwhere around Oct 27th....

The night before as I was drifting to sleep Joey said something about when my last period was. I told him and he said have you taken a test yet? This was the routine. Since The Phi was about 1 year old we stopped all birth control and went back to the "if it happens it happens" way of trying for a second baby. My periods have always been irregular and it is not unheard of for me to go over 40 days between periods. So when the stretch gets too big and my PMS symptoms won't go away I will get my hopes up and grab a pregnancy test, pee on a stick and see a negative result. That has happened many times over the last 3 years. This time Joey said something. He had suspicions. So the next day after work, and after picking up The Phi from school we went to the drug store and bought a twin pack. I debated buying tampons because I knew that right after I took the test my period would start.

I had a few symptoms, but my "hey you're pregnant" symptoms and my PMS symptoms are the same. So I got home and took the test right away. Immediately the little window displayed a plus sign. I was so shocked I had to look at the box again to make sure that "plus" meant a positive result. I stood in the bathroom, and I could feel my face on fire. I couldn't believe it, after 3 years I couldn't believe it. After the dozens of negatives this one was positive. Something we had been trying for for over 3 years and instead of overjoy I began to feel panic.

How would we afford another kid? Where will we put another kid? How will The Phi react to this? (I know all things we have thought of before but the realization of it left me panicked)

Then The Phi called for me and I immediately felt guilt. I had just ruined her life. She had things good. An only child who has her parents full attention and love and I just ruined that. The next step was to tell Joey. For about 45 minutes I waited for him to come home. I tried to act like nothing was different as I played school with The Phi.

Joey walked in the door and gave me some financial bad news, I just handed him the wrapped up test he opened it, looked at it, and said "I knew it". He hugged me and I cried. Cried because I was scared and I knew he was scared too. We had wanted this for a long long time, and here it was. Yet we were both scared. Even more scared then when we found out I was pregnant with The Phi. When we were broke and only dating. This time we have good jobs and have been married for 3 years.

This is obviously a big change for us. We are worried that we will not be able to be good parents to 2 kids. But everyday the fear subsides and the joy is creeping in. I am anxious for my doctors appointment next week and being able to tell everyone. I know my parents and sisters are going to be very excited and knowing that they are behind us will make the scary parts seem not as scary.