"I think we might be done" is what PR Dad said very casually in passing one day. He was referring to having kids. Now mind you because I am the epitome of youth we tend to forget that PR Dad is old. Well older. Older than me by 4+ years. The Phi was PR Dad's 33rd birthday gift. So when you do the math we realized that PR Dad would be 50 when The Phi is 18 and graduating from high school. And every year that passes PR Dad become more concerned about being an "Old parent". And its not like we haven't being doing anything about it. We have been "trying". And by trying I mean we have not used any kind of birth control for well over 2 years now. We have already decided that if things do not happen naturally we would not look into fertility treatments. So basically our window is closing and fast. I certainly do not want to be in my 40's and having babies. I don't even want to be in my late 30's having babies. So I have been really thinking about this only child thing. Maybe it could be okay for us. Maybe it could just be the 3 of us forever and ever. We do make a pretty kick ass team. Maybe it could be horrible for The Phi. Maybe she will be lonely and miserable. I mean I love my sisters and can't imagine life without them, then and now.
Is The Phi desperate for a sibling?? Someone to push on the swings. She talks about having brothers and sisters, but does she really want one?
Now I have been reading up on the pros and cons of only children.
Pro: The Phi would have our full attention her whole life
Con: We may smother her with our undivided attention
Pro: She is surrounded by adults and speaks like one
Con: She doesn't know how to speak like a kid
Pro: We would financially be able to provide for her
Con: Spoiled brat
Pro: Her own room
Con: No one to play with
And the list goes on and on. So I ask any of you only children out there. What is your opinion about growing up as an only child? Did you love, hate it? We may have to up the "trying" factor if you know what I mean.... (bow-chica-wow-wow) haha!
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I cannot speak AS an only child, but Zoe is our one and only. My husband thinks that we are cool with one. I want another. Zoe asks for a brother multiple times a day.
ReplyDeleteI have had serious female issues, so another child BORN to us is probably not in the cards. We have talked about adopting, though.
I also know what you mean about being an old parent. Brant is TEN years older than me. He will be 52 when Zoe graduates.
It is hard sometimes because we feel pressure to have another child from those around us. They think that we should try whatever means necessary.
Found your site through all mediocre. The title pulled me in.
ReplyDeleteBut to answer your question, we just had our baby at 40 (surprise!) and are planning one more (to make the total 6)so the youngest can have a buddy.
We lived in China for 8 years and watched the "one couple, one child" policy and swore we'd never had an only child - (they call them the little emperors because they are so spoiled). Not that kids in America are the same as kids there, its just where we were when we were forming our thoughts about numbers and such.
We do face hardships financially with that many, but the blessings of watching the siblings all relate to each other outweighs them all.
I think it is a very personal decision, and one that no one can make for you - unless you are planning on having them raise the child.
The only issue at this point is that she cannot be around kids. I wish it were different.
ReplyDeleteGirl... what is AGE? Nothin' but a freakin' number! Life's too short, in my opinion! Who cares if you're in your 40's and having another child? You might die tomorrow! (God FORBID!) but you get my point?
ReplyDeleteI'm 31. I had my first child (as you know) through IVF at 30. I'd love to have another baby in a few years to give Sofia another sibling so we ARE going to try. Just like we tried with Sofia. It was all in God's hands.
I hated having so many brothers and sisters growing up (I hated to share my toys! HAHA) BUT I am grateful for that now as an adult. The phi will be too.
Best of luck! Trying is the fun part. LOL
Both my hubby and I were only children. I hated it. All my imaginary "friends" were siblings.I was lonely. I was also spoiled rotten,honestly LOL(but not by my mother,by my Grandparents and extended fam).Hubby was doted on and pampered and is completely incapable of doing for himself (seriously).
ReplyDeleteOn the upside,I was more mature than my peers. This also was sometimes a downside at the time because it was harder to find people my own age to relate to but later in my teen years,it was very valuable and I was more equipped for the "real world" than others my own age.
I think my own experience as an only child would have been more positive if my mother had been more in tune to the special circumstances the only child status presents. I mean, she was not a devoted,warm mother at all and not the least bit nurturing. I probably would have felt less lonely if she filled that space a bit. So, really...the fact that you're even thinking about how it's going to affect her long term,tells me that she'll be hunky-dory either way :)
Lis' you can not have an uneven number of kids. My OCD is telling me that it is wrong. :)
ReplyDeleteP.S. My uncle had his youngest at 59- wouldn't recommend it but just saying it's doable.
Chiming in to say that I just turned 50 the other day, and it really doesn't feel that old. If you want more, go for it. Age also brings patience of a kind.
ReplyDeleteok tia lisa i was a only child and i still am a kid.sophia would have to wait because she will get jelous and be rough
ReplyDeleteYou have a healthy child. Why do you need to have more? I was an only child. I would love to have sibs, but it wasn't in the cards, so I have "adopted" good friends as my "additional" family. Let's get over thinking that we need to have more children to prove we are "good" parents and produce "good children", if by adoption or natural means. All this fertiltiy and adoption is a money making scheme to coerce people into thinking that "more is better".
ReplyDeleteI am an only child and there are many pros and cons. The biggest con for me was that all of the pressure was on me. There are some days when I'd love to have a sibling to deal with the parents. :)
ReplyDeleteWhatever choice you make, or whatever happens with trying, it will be the right one. As long as you love her it will be fine and it is obvious that you do.
My best friend is an only child. She wishes with all her heart that she could have had a sister or a brother. She really clings to her cousins like they are siblings. Now that her mother is aged and sick, its such a huge burden to be the only child to care for her mother, to visit her in the hospital, to make all the arrangements for her care with no one else to counsel with her. I feel sorry for her.
ReplyDeleteI think The Phi would love to have a sibling because she is a fun little girl. You get past your only child thinking pretty fast.
I can't say I understand your fertility issues. You know what I mean about that one. Its hard to fathom being on the other end of the spectrum. Do vitamins and supplements and get busy when you are ovulating. Or try the love beads like I did and you will get pregnant just when you are trying not to! :)
Tell PRDad he can have babies until he is a really old dude. Yeh, he can be an old dad but he'll be a cool one, throwing his goatee around his neck as a scarf! Heehee
ANOTHER CHILD.... :} i vote one more at the least...!
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